So often, in the initial stages of a relationship, we take the nastiness of people with a lot of passivity. We don’t tell them even if their behavior is hurting us. They assume this behavious is acceptable to us. We allow them to treat us as a doormat for too long and when it reaches an unbearable threshold, we begin to scream-foul, foul! You don’t have to get even with people. But help them to know when they cross the line. It will do good to you, to them and to the relationship as a whole. Tell people who cause the hurt.
Rely on open communication. Don’t make gossip out of your relationship issues. If a friend matters to you, don’t keep discussing him with others. That’s not being fair to the friend. Deal with the person involved directly. You cannot solve an issue without involving the person who is causing the issue.
Either you will clarify or you will get clarity.
Above all, the root trouble is that nobody wil know what your expectations are, unless you tell them. Instead of telling them what your expectations are, you tend to assume that they know it, which leads to so many disappointments in relationships.
For example, if your friend is with you all the time, you feel he is always interfering. If he leaves you alone, you feel he cares for you no more. So, what do you want him to do? Clarify your expectations. For your birthday, if your friends didn’t call at midnight, you get offended. If she does, you feel your sleep was disturbed. So clarify your expectations.
The fact is, so often even we don’t understand what we want, but we expect others to understand what we want even without saying it. Funny!
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